Trump’s hair is hard for other presidential contenders to top – CT Post

Published 12:00 am, Friday, September 2, 2016

It is not possible to review the hairstyles of those running for high office this year without focusing on the elaborate penthouse that sits atop Donald Trump.

This is a hairdo famous enough to be a late-night talk show guest.

Swept, swirled, slicked and souffléd, the resulting style falls somewhere between a retro pompadour in training and a fox pelt on life support.

Many have tried to describe Trump’s derring-do over the years. Last spring, the Washington Post compiled a list of the 100 best descriptions of Trump’s mane. Most missed the mark (some things are beyond bounds of human creativity). A few that came close included:

The male equivalent of a pushup bra.

An aggressive cowlick gone rogue.

A mullet that died in some horrific accident.

Almost as intriguing as Trump’s luxurious locks are the questions surrounding how he manages to keep it under control amid the rough-and-tumble of politics (not to mention always unflattering gusts of airport runway wind).

It is my theory that Trump employs a follicle SWAT team comprised of stylists, colorists, sprayers, blowers, manual laborers, security guards, publicists and heavy-equipment operators to deal with any and all crises, including hostage situations. I see them seated in a WWII fighter squadron ready-room poised to scramble if trouble arises.

Anyway.

Suffice it to say, the other players in this fall’s political drama have much less noteworthy hair, although Hillary Clinton does seem to have hair (and pantsuit) groupies among the media.

Splitting some hairs:

Hillary Clinton: Hillary’s hair has come in many shapes, sizes and shades over the years. In fact, a rough count reveals she has had almost as many hairstyles as email server explanations. Last March, Clinton’s hair made headlines after she reportedly got a $600 cut. She seems to have settled on a style favored by many women in her demographic group — the Social Security bob. If the race tightens, expect Clinton to adjust accordingly. Do not rule out the rainbow, spiked mohawk.

Mike Pence: There is nothing controversial about the vice presidential candidate’s hair. He sports standard mainstream Republican hair. It is gray/white, close-cropped and razor-cut to within a millimeter of perfection. Standard mainstream Republican hair differs only from standard mainstream television preacher hair in terms of movability. While standard mainstream Republican hair is susceptible to the elements, standard mainstream television preacher hair will not lose its shape even if the wearer sticks his head out of a car window at 100 mph.

Tim Kaine: The only word to describe the Democratic vice presidential candidate’s hair is … tragic. He has the kind of hair that makes other men avert their eyes and mutter something about there but for the grace of God. Kaine’s hairline is in a recession bordering on a depression. It is in full retreat, leaving behind only a feisty tuff in the front to act as a rear guard. Kaine does, however, have thick bushy eyebrows, proving once again that when it comes to hair, the great barber in the sky has a sense of humor.

Finally, a word about what might have been …

Bernie Sanders: Although Sanders is no longer in the race, had he won the nomination, his clash with Trump would have represented the most bitter ideological divide in the history of presidential grooming. Unlike Trump’s meticulously managed coiffure, Sanders’ hair always looked like it might have been combed with a food processor. What he is going for is unclear, but what he has ended up with is a cross between Doc in “Back to the Future” and your crazy Uncle Ned.

Jim Shea is a lifelong Connecticut resident and journalist who believes the keys to life include the avoidance of physical labor and I-95. He can be reached at jimboshea@gmail.com and on Twitter @jimboshea.

from Hairstylez http://cityhairstyle.xyz/trumps-hair-is-hard-for-other-presidential-contenders-to-top-ct-post/